


The Hobbits Say Farewell Now!

by Aria_Breuer



Category: The Lord of the Rings (Movies), The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst and Humor, Canon Temporary Character Death, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Halloween Fanfiction Four-Shot Series, Multi, Parody, Supernatural Elements, Suspense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-31
Updated: 2016-01-31
Packaged: 2018-05-17 08:45:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5862118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aria_Breuer/pseuds/Aria_Breuer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Pippin, are you all right?" Frodo asked, worried.</p><p>"Frodo, I… I'm not feeling well." Pippin's stomach grumbled. He felt awful. "I need to see the healer. Where is he?"</p><p>"Um… we need help! A healer!" Merry rushed out of the Green Dragon inn.</p><p>A Halloween fanfic. Featuring Frodo, Sam, Merry, Pippin, and an eccentric, original healer character.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Time Waits for No Took!

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimers:** All material from _The Lord of the Rings_ trilogy belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien, New Line Cinema, Warner Brothers, and Turbine. All other canon material belongs to their respected owners. All original material belongs to the author of this fanfiction four-shot story. This four-shot story is heavily inspired by the ABC television show Galavant’s songs “Time is of the Essence” and “Goodbye”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is most morbid story I’ve written… or not, depending on how you look at it. I think I might still have caught a bug or something, but this was inspired by all those stories in which there is too much talk about death and not enough talk about life. So, you see where this four-shot story came from and what inspired me to do this. Anyway, let’s get going.
> 
> Also, this first one-shot was inspired by the drabble I wrote for NirCele’s 100 Drabble Challenge. The drabble series for the challenge is called Frodo Baggins’ One Hundred Drabble Moments. I mainly wrote this first one-shot when I was feeling under the weather. It’s really strange what my mind comes up with… but anyway, let’s begin.

 

* * *

  **The Hobbits Say Farewell Now!**

**Halloween Fanfiction Story**

* * *

 

Pippin Took was having a splendid day. For being a tween, he certainly had a lot of energy. It’s a shame what happened to him on a particular day at the Green Dragon inn. For when he entered the tavern with his friends – Frodo Baggins, Samwise Gamgee and Merry Brandybuck – he hardly expected the waitress to deliver steaming hot mugs of apple cider.

“They’re fresh,” the waitress told them. “Just came out of the mill.”

“It can’t hurt, can it?” Pippin asked, eager to try his cider. He was stopped by Merry.

“Wait. Something smells off about this cider. Are you sure it’s good to drink?” Merry asked.

“Pippin should try it first. Although, I don’t see the reason why we shouldn’t drink it at the same time,” Frodo said, not letting the cider’s bad smell to back him down. Pippin said nothing as he drank down two large gulps of cider. The others followed, but it was Pippin who felt really strange. He was glad Frodo noticed, but it was too late. “Pippin, are you all right?”

“Frodo, I… I’m not feeling well.” Pippin’s stomach grumbled. He felt awful. “I need to see the healer. Where is he?”

“Um… we need help! A healer!” Merry rushed out of the Green Dragon inn. Pippin lay crumbled on the floor, unsure what was happening to him… all the world seemed to fall into darkness…

x-x-x

Frodo, Sam and Merry brought Pippin straight into the nearest healer’s house. Frodo called for the healer, only the healer was a rather strange hobbit man with a very strange hairdo. Ignoring the gentle-hobbit’s hairdo, focusing more on Pippin who he helped put on the stone bed. He looked up at the healer, who looked like he was in a hurry.

“What happened?” The healer announced, startling Frodo and his friends.

“Pippin drank some cider. It was awful,” Frodo explained.

“We all drank that cider, cousin,” Merry admitted. “Is he going to be all right?”

“Yes, about that. All the ciders had poison in them. It’s an experiment of my own invention,” the healer explained. “Now what can I do for your friend, before you all croak? Ah. I know. Let’s examine the time.” He checked his watches. “Ah. Yes, we have time enough to kill. So, let’s make sure he’s dead.” Pippin groaned. “He’s not dead? That’s a shocker. Give it five minutes and he will be dead. And since you were given the cider in turns: Pippin’s first, then Merry, then Sam and then Frodo.”

“What? No.” Frodo asked, confused. “What kind of a healer are you?”

“Shush!” The healer placed an index finger over Frodo’s mouth. He returned to Pippin, whose eyes closed. He checked his pulse, but it stopped. “Ah. He’s dead as a doornail.”

Merry whimpered. His friend Pippin, his best friend, was… dead. How could this happen?

“You see what this healer did to Merry? And now Pippin’s dead,” Sam complained.

“Ah. But you three are next, and I have the beds all ready for you to complete my experiment. And you’ll have to act fast because you’ll croak in ten minutes each.” The healer checked his watch again.

Not liking this plan, but agreeing to it nonetheless, Frodo moved over to the bed near the stairs. He looked around at his friends, who also made their way onto stone beds. In a manner of minutes, he would be… dead. No, he couldn’t think that way. He couldn’t… he… couldn’t…

x-x-x

_Pippin’s mind felt at ease for some strange reason. He sat up on the stone bed, completely aware of his surroundings. But where were his friends? They needed him, right? Of course they needed him. He felt like he let them down when he drank that cider. Ooh, his poor stomach._

_“That’s what I get for drinking badly brewed cider. Oh, why me?” Pippin asked, completely confused._

_However, he wasn’t alone. Looking up, he saw Death in a hooded robe. Something wasn’t right. Was he dead? Maybe his friends found a way to cure him. Maybe they did… oh, where was Merry when he needed him? And why didn’t he have food?_

_Oh, there was food on a table, in front of the stone balcony. It was sitting there, waiting for him to eat some of it. Moving off the stone bed, Pippin approached the stone table. The food sure looked tasty. No, he shouldn’t have some._

_“Eat up,” Death said, moving behind him. “You’ll need some on your journey onwards.”_

_“Eh…” Pippin backed away from the food. He was smart enough to avoid bad food. “I don’t think so.”_

_“I think you should.” Death was confident it had the hobbit. “You drank the bad cider. You and your friends are allowed to pass on.”_

_“What? What are you talking about?” Pippin asked, looking about him. There was Diamond. Oh, she looked radiant. “Diamond.”_

_“Yes Pippin. This is me,” Diamond Took said. She wore a very flashy red dress. Pippin nearly grabbed her and pulled her in, but realization dawned on him. This was an illusion. He needed to get out of here._

_“Wait… I can still get through this. I’m not ready to die. I need to go home, back to Frodo, and Sam, and Merry, and…” Pippin was cut off upon seeing his three friends. They were all smiling at him. Why were they smiling at him?_

_“Pippin, I feel awful for making you drink that potion,” Vision Frodo said, quirky._

_“Potion? What potion, cousin?” Pippin asked, confused._

_“The potion that was in the cider. A smarter hobbit would have avoided that cider, but then we weren’t!” Merry laughed out loud, but then so did everyone in the room. Pippin felt dizzy._

_“No. I need to return home.” He didn’t know what he was doing. He was following Death up the stairs. Oh, what could he do to stop his death? Ah. A water hose. Grabbing the nozzle, Pippin pulled the handle back. Water sprayed, right at Death itself. He couldn’t believe it. Death was retreating. No. No. It was getting bigger. No, wait. Stop! STOP! Stop… Pippin fell back into the darkness… he could feel his body again and it felt heavy… very heavy…_

Pippin opened his saggy eyes. Tears streamed down his face. He couldn’t believe it. He was alive, and with the biggest headache. He tested his fingers and toes. They still worked. He tested every limb, feeling its muscles and bones. It was hard getting up, but he had to try. At last, he was able to move but felt as if he was about to throw up.

“Ah,” the healer with the crazy hairdo approached him with a bucket. “Here you are. Just for you. I’ve saved three more buckets for your friends.”

“Thank you,” Pippin said. In a manner of moments, the cider he drank spilled out of his mouth, emptying into the bucket. He regurgitated all he could, not stopping until he was completely cleaned out of the cider. In moments, the contents in his stomach were in the bucket, which vanished without a trace. Wait. Was he dreaming?

“You are not dreaming, dear Pippin. It’s just a vanishing bucket. Works instantly on anything that isn’t water,” the healer announced, taking the bucket from him. Pippin took the bathroom necessities from the healer’s hands. The healer told him, “Now, wash up. You’ve been dead for five minutes. Your friends… we’ll have to give them a minute or two to wake up.”

“Did you do this? Did you give us bad cider? Was it poisoned?” Pippin asked, confused.

“Now, now. The experiment is not done yet. Now off with you. The bathroom is on the top step, to the right,” the healer said.

Pippin thanked him for the directions and rushed off. However, one thing wasn’t clear: why would the healer try to poison him and his friends with bad cider? That wasn’t very hobbitish.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I guess this can be put into an early Halloween fanfiction one-shot series. Now, there’s three more parts to this series. I just figured the only way to do this is to give it a Halloween theme, as that makes more sense. I just hope everyone wasn’t too creeped out by this story. Thanks for reading. :)


	2. Be Merry or Be Gone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Disclaimers:** See One-Shot 1 for more information.
> 
> Okay, well I figured since Pippin stays in the same location that the other hobbits are in different locations, even though they start out on the stone beds. All right, let’s go. :)

_Merry awoke with a throbbing headache. Was that normal? Of course it was if he didn’t sleep very well. Where was he anyway? Was there something he missed? Surely not! He was Merry Brandybuck, of all people… and a strange hooded figure in the stables. Wait. Was he where he thought he was?_

_“I’m near death,” Merry proclaimed, confused._

_The hooded figured nodded, as bells tolled._

_“Wait. So am I dead?” he asked, trying not to repeat the question._

_The hooded figure nodded a second time._

_“Oh great. Pippin!” Merry shouted, hoping his friend would hear him. He didn’t. That wasn’t surprising. Pippin was here a minute ago. Maybe it was surprising. Realization dawned on him on the other culprit, responsible for putting him in this mess. “Frodo, you shouldn’t have encouraged us like this. And now I’m…”_

_Moving off the stone bed, Merry followed the hooded figure through the stables. It seemed like a nice, quiet time too… wait, he was dying? He didn’t want to die. This was ridiculous._

_“What kind of a story is this? I don’t want to die. Can’t you see that?” Merry asked the hooded figure._

_The hooded figure said nothing to him. Only pointed the way to where his friends were mucking the stables._

_“It’s a shame we didn’t get to see Merry.” Frodo spoke to Sam, completing ignoring Merry. “How do you think Merry was in this life? A bit of a sob.”_

_“Merry was all right, if not disorienting. By the way, did you find out where Pippin went,” Sam asked, curious._

_“Pippin’s alive and well, if not kicking.” Frodo returned to the subject at hand. “No need to fear, Sam my boy. Merry isn’t going anywhere.”_

_What? He wasn’t going anywhere. Relieved when Frodo and Sam had fled the area, Merry checked what they were looking at. Instead of muck, it was dirt covering a trap door. What lurked inside the trap door was a greenish light. Should he go near the light and open the door? Nah! Maybe it wasn’t the best idea, but the hooded figure was pointing to the green area. Also, was Estella Bolger waving to him, and smiling, on the other side of the trap door?_

_“Wait. Before I do this, tell me one thing: will I die if I step further into the light?” He asked._

_The hooded figure just pointed._

_“You’ve got to give me some answers,” Merry told him._

_The hooded figure uncovered his face, revealing Pippin underneath. He thought the hooded figure looked familiar._

_“Pippin, what are you doing here? I thought…”_

_“I’m wishing you farewell in the next one hundred years.” Pippin shoved Merry into the open trapdoor._

_Merry fell several stories. He was going to die. He could feel his body leaving him. No, his body was heavy. Maybe he wasn’t closer to death. Maybe he was closer to light. He kept falling, falling… landing on a stone bed. It was a miracle his back didn’t crack. But then Pippin was laughing. Why was he laughing? He looked around. There were hell hounds ready to attack him at any moment. He covered his face, only to see a bright white light._

_It was an angel, shooing the hell hounds away. He was saved! Until the angel forced him to lie down on the bed. Sleep overtook him. He was sailing towards death… he knew it… he…_

He woke up feeling really sick. Finding a nearby bucket, Merry regurgitated the cider. He wouldn’t stop until he had all the cider out of his system. Relieved that it was all out, he looked at the bucket again. The contents vanished. That was odd. Was he still dreaming?

“You are not dreaming! Although that fever dream hits a lot of people. Here.” The healer with the whacky hairdo passed to him bathroom supplies.

“Thank you,” Merry handed him the bucket. “But I thought I was going to die.”

“Ah. You see, I’m not going to reveal that secret until everyone’s awake. But you’ve been dead for six minutes.” The healer shooed him up the stairs, “Now wash up. I wouldn’t want to see you sick further, but there are buckets in the bathroom, in case you need them.”

“Thanks,” Merry groaned.

A healer who was kind. How often did that come around? But then, this particular healer was very quick-witted. He just hoped the healer learned his lesson about poisoning cider.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. :) More is to come…


	3. A Gardener's Demise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Disclaimers:** See One-Shot 1 for more information.
> 
> I don’t know what is happening with my writing, but somehow it’s like the characters are saying dialogue from other characters. It’s strange. Good thing that didn't happen that much in this chapter, or so I hope.

_Sam’s eyes flew wide open. He didn’t feel a headache, but there was a strange sensation of déjà vu. Sitting upright, he saw a garden before him. Moving off the bed, the first thing he did was charge towards the gardener’s tools. There were all his tools that a friendly gardener needed. He grabbed his spade, prepared to work the soil._

_The ground was so fresh. So full of life. It was the right soil. All seemed bliss as he dug into the earth, planting seeds and watching them grow. Only the plants grew into large vines, strangling him and pulling him down into the soil…_

_He was all right, but inside his father’s house. He was home and alive, but could feel a strangling sensation in his throat. Maybe nothing would happen afterwards. He walked about the house. It was empty. No sign of his family or friends. Just a hooded figure._

_“You’re not death. Are you, sir?” Sam asked, certain this was… death._

_The hooded figure did nothing, but point to the parlor window. Sam followed his gaze, where he could see his family arguing. He called to them, hoping they would answer. Well, they looked at him all right, with sneers and snarls. This wasn’t like his Gaffer. He tried again, but couldn’t reach him._

_The strangling sensation continued. He sputtered and coughed._

_The image changed, showing his friends: Frodo, Merry and Pippin. They were talking about him. And there was Rosie, looking right at him. She said nothing, just a mute form. She looked so haunted, and beautiful. But more so haunted. Oh, if he could just walk up to her, talk to her…_

_“Oh Sam wouldn’t know what to say to Rosie,” Mr. Frodo said aloud. That got Sam’s attention, but not in the best way. “He’s too shy for his own good.”_

_“Yeah, maybe he should try talking to us. Oh wait, he’s too bashful for his own good,” Pippin laughed._

_“Yeah, and maybe he should quit gardening and be mayor.” Merry perked up. “Hey, that’s not a bad idea. But he’s dead. So, there’s no need to speak to Sam anymore about this subject.”_

_Sam coughed and sputtered a second time. His throat was constricting. He looked up briefly at his friends. They were looking at him now, but not moving._

_“Oh look, it’s Sam,” Frodo said, not in an encouraging way._

_“Where have you been, Samwise?” Merry asked, in the same venomous tone._

_“He’s probably wishing he hadn’t drunk that apple cider. Aren’t you, Sam?” Pippin asked. He stifled a laugh, but couldn’t help himself. Eventually Frodo and Merry joined it. Sam knew it wasn’t funny, but he couldn’t stop sputtering and coughing. The coughing was uncontrollable now…_

Sam released a deep breath. He could feel his spirit returning to his body. He felt sick and he didn’t know how long he could hold it in. Remembering his manners, he grabbed the nearest bucket and released the contents from his stomach. It was revolting, but to his surprise, when he was done and feeling nausea coming again, the vomit vanished in the bucket. He released the contents once more. It was cider all right. It certainly smelled like bad cider.

“Ah. You’re awake.” It was that healer. Boy, did he have a few things to say to him. “Yes, you’ll be wanting the bathroom, too.”

“I died, didn’t I? I can smell death on me,” Sam said. Well, he didn’t know what death smelled like until now, but it smelled revolting.

“Ah. Right, that. You’ve been dead for seven minutes. Your friend, Frodo Baggins, is the last one to awaken. Give him one more minute. And here.” The healer tossed to him a tray filled with bathroom supplies. “You’ll be needing the bathroom soon. It is down the hall and to your right.” He added last, “And if you’re wondering why I did this little experiment, you will have to wait until everyone’s out of the bathroom.”

Sam didn’t know whether to thank the healer or to strangle him. Either way did not sound like a swell plan at the moment. He looked at Frodo with sorrow and pity. Still not breathing and still not awake. What sort of trick was this? Moving off the stone bed, and with every muscle aching, Sam headed up stairs. The healer would regret what he’d done, and he hoped the healer would give a good explanation for all this… mess. If not for his sake, then for his friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. :) There’s one more one-shot to go.


	4. So Long! Farewell Frodo?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Disclaimers:** See One-Shot 1 for more information.
> 
> This is the last one-shot of the four-shot series. Better wait a minute… no? All right, let’s get moving… and the end scene is ambiguous.

_Frodo was roused by bell chimes. Sitting upright, he turned to see the chimes in a desolate wasteland. It was almost pitch black, except for the moonlight. Where had he awakened to? This was all very confusing._

_He jumped, whirling around fast to see a hooded figure standing before him. He wanted to move, but couldn’t. The hooded figure was too terrifying. It was almost as if… there were more hooded figures. He tried moving from the bed, but instead there were belts wrapped around his legs. He did his best to unbuckle the belts, but was unable to. The belts just wrapped tighter around his legs._

_He stopped trying to break the belts. There was something else happening. The landscape shifted to an overgrown forest, in a greenish hued light. There he was with Sam, traversing across the woods. They were with a gangly creature, who was leading them straight towards a fiery mountain. Who was…_

_“Wait. This is Mordor.” Frodo mouthed the words, unable to contain them. “We’re heading into Mordor.”_

_The landscape shifted dramatically to a black, scorched, volcanic wasteland. There was a massive void present. He didn’t remember ever traveling to Mordor. He hadn’t yet received word from Gandalf._

_“What’s going on? Am I dead?” He asked, right as the hooded figure stood atop him._

_The landscape shifted back to the healer’s house. There was the stone stairway and the balcony. He wanted to get free of the bed, and finally managed to. Only the second he was on the ground, his whole body felt heavy. He couldn’t get up. He… he collapsed on the floor. He felt so heavy._

_He was dragged onto the bed by two angels, with bright lights wrapped around their being. He didn’t want to be back on the bed. He wanted to get out of here, back to civilization, back to his friends. If only there was a way out of this dream… or was it a nightmare? Either way, this was not the fever dream he wanted._

_He felt his body again. It was so heavy. If only he could find some water… pure, clean, fresh water… he only needed a morsel or two to get him by…_

“Frodo?” Pippin’s voice sounded so soothing. “Frodo, wake up.”

He was breathing. He, Frodo Baggins, was breathing again. He could feel life returning to his body. His head ached and he felt nausea engulf him. Unable to contain himself, he leaned over towards Pippin, who already had a bucket waiting for him. He threw up all the liquid inside his stomach, which came out so much faster. He felt very sick, and at the same time relieved. Hot sweat beaded down his face as he released the contents. When he was done, he felt empty and hungry again, but also thirsty.

The healer was there with his curly hair all in a mess. It really was a strange hairdo. But Frodo paid no heed to him. He was just glad Pippin was there. Feeling himself regaining balance, he moved off the bed, only to collapse on the floor. It was good that Pippin was there to catch him, as well as Merry and Sam who came down the stairs and towards him moments later. They helped him to his feet.

Without saying two words, Frodo allowed his friends to show him to the bathroom. Feeling his strength back, he pulled away from them, knowing exactly what he should do. Before he went in, he took the bathroom supplies from the healer. Was the healer prepared for this? He certainly seemed that way. Anyway. Frodo closed the bathroom door, taking the bathroom supplies with him.

x-x-x

Although Frodo was grateful for the privacy, he didn’t expect his clothes to come out clean and fresh when he left the bathtub. Changing into the same clothes he had on when this whole mess started, he left the bathroom. There were his friends, falling right on top of each other. Sam tried to help him, but he raised a hand in reassurance.

“I can walk, Sam.”

“Are you sure, Mr. Frodo?” Sam asked, concerned.

“After what we went through, I think it’s time we have a word with the healer,” Frodo said, finding his way down the stone stairs. He looked back to see his friends following him. Good. They needed to gang up on this healer. Well, he found the healer mixing another potion. “What are you doing?”

“It’s my getaway potion,” the healer said, frantic. “The second you leave I’ll be on my way to another country.”

“Why do you need an escape potion?” Pippin asked, confused.

“Ah. You see. You four I appreciate participating in my experiment. Note that I will no longer take part in experimental potions that have anything to do with temporary deaths. Although, I switched the poisons, so it was really a fever dream you four witnessed and a good one at that,” the healer explained, more to himself than the four hobbits. Frodo could have lunged at him for this, and he wanted to… no, maybe he should just lunge at him now. The healer retracted from his grasp, heading back up the stairs. “Ah. I can see you’re angry. Well, I’m sorry but I only deal with customers who expect me the most. Cheers and the door is that way.” The healer pointed to the door behind the four hobbits.

Frodo told his friends, keeping his voice calm, “Come on. Let’s go.” Not bothering to look back at the healer, who waved at them, he opened the door and left the healer’s house. His friends followed. The second they closed the door, the healer’s house was gone, as if it never existed. This left Frodo confused. Hadn’t they just seen the healer?

“What a strange chap,” Merry announced, perplexed.

“Let’s head to the Green Dragon,” Pippin suggested.

“And get something that smells and tastes fresh,” Merry said, following Pippin. Frodo stayed behind with Sam, only because his friend and gardener was confused.

“I don’t get it. Mr. Frodo, what happens now? Where did the healer go?” Sam asked.

“Ah, you see Sam, I don’t know. But ah, we’ll never know. Ah,” Frodo said, mimicking the healer’s grunts and mumbles. He smiled when Pippin laughed. Ah. He was so glad to have such good friends. Oh great. Now he was sounding like the healer. What an odd day this was. But then what did happen to the healer? He sighed in relief. Perhaps he would never know.

The End.

_Five Minutes Later…_

The hobbit healer was glad his time travel spell worked. Now he could just open the door and… no, he was in the Dead Marshes! How did he get there? And what was that gangly creature doing there? Oh no. It was Gollum. The hobbit healer picked up his shovel, prepared to attack the creature.

“I must warn you. I have a shovel,” the hobbit healer said.

That didn’t turn off Gollum, who looked at him like he was something to eat. The hobbit healer didn’t expect Gollum to attack him, by hitting him with a rock. Everything seemed so dizzy…

“My precious,” was the last the hobbit healer heard from Gollum, before the gangly creature lunged at the camera.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How was that? I know, but I think the hobbit healer, in a way, got what he deserved. I know, I feel sorry for the hobbit healer, too. The healer was heavily inspired by Neo of Sporin from the ABC television show “Galavant”, but this hobbit healer certainly has a way of say “ah” a lot. Thanks for reading. I’ll see you all in the next story. :)
> 
> Aria Breuer


End file.
